Bathtub Pooping and More Unexpected Shit

MoreI started a blog a few years ago called "Bathtub Pooping and More Unexpected Shit" where I intended to share all of my entertaining stories about the little Monster - and believe me, he had some good ones (as I'm sure you can imagine based on the inspiration behind the name). Unfortunately, the Monster went through a boring phase and I lost interest in the blog. This weekend, however, he provided an excellent "Bathtub Pooping"-worthy story (although I think it would more appropriately fall under the "More Unexpected Shit" category) that makes me wish I still had things up and running over there.

You are going to die when you read this, but let me give you a little background first. My son thinks he's a dog and has even given himself a dog name: Basket. We have no idea what prompted this little game or where the name came from, just one day he announced that he was now a dog named Basket and that was that. Every so often he'll pull out his Basket persona and beg us to play fetch or rub his belly and that's usually about the extent of it. Until this weekend. He stayed with my Mom this weekend because they were supposed to take him to some train show (but ended up staying home and playing outside all day instead). Apparently on Saturday morning Mom let him go out to play intending to follow him out as soon as she finished cleaning up breakfast. (Nothing to be concerned with here. They live in a decent area and have a large fenced in yard. No stranger dangers.) When she stepped out the back door, just a few minutes later, he was in the middle of the yard pulling up his pants. "What the hell are you doing?!?" would have been my response but I'm sure hers was more preschooler appropriate and grandmotherly. He told her, very matter-of-factly, "I'm Basket. I pooped in the grass." And he did. No pretending here folks. The kid actually dropped his pants, squatted, and took a massive shit right in the middle of my Mom's back yard. I guess we can be grateful that she doesn't have a front yard for him to play in. The best part is, he was really proud of himself for pooping outside in the grass like a good dog. It just amazes me the things kids come up with. He told me all about it when I picked him up last night and we discussed how people don't go to the bathroom outside except in emergencies and all that other crap you're supposed to tell them. Honestly, I was just trying really hard not to laugh.

To all you expectant mommas, consider yourselves warned. In a few years it may be your kid pooping in the grass (or the tub) and it will be your turn to try to talk to them about it with a straight face.